by Gwynne Hunt
Violence against women is a well-documented fact and not something Canadians should be proud of. Reports from Canadian women reveal that 81% have been pushed, shoved or grabbed; 61% have been threatened or hit; 44% have had something thrown at them; 38% have been beaten or choked; 35% were slapped, 27% were kicked, beat or hit, and 16% were sexually assaulted. Between 1994 and 2003, a history of family violence was present in 6 out of 10 spousal abuse cases. It is a generational problem and the cycle needs to be broken. But a new statistic that has arisen that should cause great sadness is that older women are more likely to be assaulted by family members then older men. In fact four out of ten older women will be abused and touched by violence.
Specifically sexual assault and abuse pervasively run through this country like a quiet stream. Studies show that among adult Canadians 53 percent were sexually abused as children and something we rarely talk about is that 31 percent of men were sexually abused. It is no wonder we live in violent and broken societies. A 2005 report by the Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics tracks family violence and reports on the effect the statistics have on our communities.
It was discovered that on any typical day in 2004, there were 6,000 women and children in shelters, the majority of which were there to escape abuse. Women are more likely to miss work later in life if they experienced violence in their lives. Health-related costs to sexual abuse and violence reached into the billions of dollars by the nineties. We live in a sick society. Our prisons are full of men and women who committed crimes while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Approximately 80% of major crimes are committed while under the influence. The majority of people with addictions come from violent or abusive backgrounds. We go around and around, slapping band aid solutions on a gaping wound that cannot heal.
Child sexual abuse is not something you can ‘get over’ with a few visits to the counselor. But there is a lot more than sexual abuse that is keeping this country sick and troubled; abandonment issues can cause problems in later life. How many children are in foster care, given up for adoption, left unprotected by a parent and losing a loved one at an early age? Even being left in the hospital at a young age can have traumatic outcomes.
However we can’t blame the parents and the caregivers, it is time for the wounded to take responsibility for themselves and find a way to be protective, healthy members of society. Too many people shelve their abuse, neglect or the violence they felt in their lives and never deal with it. You have to, in order to move on.
We have to be aware of the issues that affect people before we can change the role that society plays. Too many people trivialize incidents and thereby do not believe there is a negative outcome. A huge question arises for some; what exactly is sexual assault? The Department of Justice defines sexual assault as forcing someone to engage in sexual intercourse or any other sexual act, not stopping sexual contact when asked to and any kissing, fondling, touching, oral/anal sex or sexual intercourse without consent.
Sexual abuse involves using a child for sexual purposes; fondling, inviting a child to touch or be touched sexually, intercourse, rape, incest, sodomy, exhibitionism, or involving a child in prostitution or pornography. If you think about it, it would be hard not to know someone who has been subject to one or several of the above definitions. It would seem that the 53 % of women and 31% of men is a low number given the definitions.
This is of course a societal problem but the ability to stop this abuse and violence is in the home where we know that children under the age of 12 are most likely to be sexually assaulted. And it is not surprise that 97% of all sexual assaults area the hands of men and as only 20% are stranger assaults we only have to look at our fractured families to find the sickens. 64% of sexual assaults take place in the home.
When we read these statistics we should feel shame for the cure for the dysfunctional behavior lies with us in our homes, in our families. We first have to recognize the role we play and then take steps to stop the violence and abuse. Abuse and neglect cause a mental disorder you can’t just ‘suck it up’ and ‘get on with life’. If you are a survivor, endmost of us are, take some steps to heal yourself and then you can help others in your family by example. Break the cycle, break the silence.
Anyone who has suffered abuse, violence or neglect needs to seek professional help but recognizably so, there are long waits to see psychologists and psychiatrists and some people just don’t think their problem is that big so we have compiled a list of things you can do now to turn the corner and heal yourself and in turn heal the family.
Recognize that you don’t want to stay stuck in the place you are in and quit feeling sorry for yourself, quit masking your feelings with drugs and alcohol; quit running away. Recognize that you have a legitimate reason for being angry but you need to forgive the abuser and yourself in order to heal and move on. It is normal to feel guilty about being abused, recognize that, even though it doesn’t make sense, and find ways to get over the guilt. One process author John Bradshaw uses is to have you look at a picture of yourself at the age you were abused, violated or neglected and see the innocence in your child face and forgive that child.
Read books; there are hundreds on the topic but reading and educating yourself is part of the process of understanding what happened to you. There are no simple answers to healing a broken soul. Take the first step; recognize you are broken and then seek ways to become whole. We can stop the violence, neglect and abuse one brave person at a time.
Tags: abuse, domestic violence, sexual abuse, violence
Loved the review you have written here. Is there anything else to say on this subject?
Thanks thanks thanks! I was looking for something along lines of this for hours and couldn’t find it.Will definitely subscribe and drop a word about the site!Cheers
Your webLog is great. I m gonna come back again, gracias.
Great stuff
Hey! Thanks much for the specifics ! I found it insightful with some research I’m doing right now. I’m going to bookmark this blog and return. can you tell me where i can find more information on this? Keep posting!
Now and again you find something worth reading around here, which is why I keep returning.
Hello, just needed you to know I have added your site to my Google bookmarks because of your great blog layout. But seriously, I think your site has one of the freshest theme I’ve came across. It really helps make reading your blog a lot better.
Thanks for the post! I love it!
cheers lots, I have to comment that your blog is brilliant!
Wow… very nice! I’m kind of speechless.. but had to let you know haha
Wow, thank you. I always wanted to write in my site something like that. Great job.
Hi there, I have to mention it is a smart description. Such insighful writing is not very common these days. Informed comment like this has to be lauded. I’ll certainly be looking in on this blog again in the near future. I can’t imagine…what if you could attract bigger audience through WebHelp
You have won me over!
What you do is great – but more frequent updates, please?
Well, Thanks for posting! I really enjoyed the report. I’ve already bookmark this article.
I never thought about it like that.. very insightful. Thanks!
Finally a smart blogger…I love how you’re thinking and writing!
Good share, great article, very usefull for us…thanks.
Hey, thankyou very much,I must comment that your site is fantastic!
I must say you have a cool post. This hit the spot and then some! Thanks for posting this and sharing it with the world. I’ve just bookmarked your site. And I will check back soon to read your other articles. Keep up your awesome work.
Interesting! I just came across this website via the search engines when tryna rid of boredom. I think I’m already becoming an addict to it. So many stuffs going on at the same time and it’s just like I would like to swallow it all in a go. I am certain I will be back for more:)
uhm not really following but im dumb so whatever thanks
Finally a smart blogger…I love how you’re thinking and writing!
This is all very new to me and this article really opened my eyes.Thanks for sharing with us your wisdom.
nice site and nice article, will be back. thanks!
Your article is very exciting, I like your article, I hope you can continue! come on
Keep up the good work, bookmarked and referred a couple of mates.
This is the second post I’ve read on this blog and I’m definitely going to bookmark and check back everyday.
Hey, clicked from bing to your page and it displayed wierd but after refresh site displayed normal. Just thought id let you know and keep up the good work
In one moment in my search, I find your site, and always return for here because enjoy it.
i just found this blog. excellent article. how long have you been writing? this is good writing. are you a journalist aswell? anyway, thanks again. subscribing to the rss
Brilliant post, nicely done. And thanks for mentioning all that info – you have introduced to me to three new blogs and I love them all! Cheers
Wow great blog, I was looking for something else on ask but found your site on page 1 so thought I would pay a visit and now have bookmarked.
Good share, great article, very usefull for us…thanks.
Great site. Bookmarked:-)
I found your site via yahoo thanks for the post. I will save it for future reference. Thanks Womenes Diabetic Socks is our specialty.
livecam xxx
gday you have a stunning webpage. noticed. I will tell anybody about your site. !!
Interesting. Thanks for that, however that is not the limit of my appreciation. I am afflicted with color blindness (deuteranopia in my case). I mostly use Safari browser (unsure if that changes anything), and far too many websites are hard to comprehend on account of a poor range of colors used. In your case, as the selection of colors is fine, the site is amazingly tidy and easy to read.
This is a topic close to my heart cheers, found you through Bing.
Purchase mp3 music online…
This article award many tips. It is handy….
Hey – great blog, just looking around some blogs, seems a really nice platform you are using. I’m currently using WordPress for a few of my blogs but looking to change one of them over to a platform similar to yours as a trial run. Anything in particular you would recommend about it?
Great, I have already bookmarked your this page…Now I don’t have enough time for read but by reading beginning part I must say…it was a positive start .. Would love to read further too…Thanks for great post!
This is a good blog. Keep up all the work. I too love blogging and expressing my opinions. Thanks
ok thanks to your fool proof instructions my first ever comment – well done dar!!
This Write-up is Composed in,I was Appearing for the information.Thank you and your share this articl at Right here
Hi there! I really love reading your blog today! Keep making great posts and I will come back every day to keep reading!
Hi there! I really love reading your blog today! Keep making great posts and I will come back every day to keep reading!
Hello there! I really enjoy reading your blog! If you keep making such great posts I will come back every day to keep reading!
Hi there! I really love reading your blog today! Keep making great posts and I will come back every day to keep reading!