Let’s Play (published in The Rag 1998)
By Gwynne Hunt
Have you forgotten how to play? Spend time with yourself? If you are always wrapped up in work, family, obligations, social engagements and don’t take time for your self you will suffer from what psychologists call ‘privacy deprivation syndrome’.
I’m not joking. This is a diagnosed condition and symptoms include mood swings, fatigue, depression and even resentment. I know a few people who are suffering from this. Their lives are so busy they forget to take time for themselves; to play, think and just be.
I try to spend at least an hour a day in some kind of reflection; journal writing, sitting and gazing out at the lake alone, reading or meditating. When I don’t take time to this, after a few days I am crabby and resentful at everyone who is stealing my time. I’m so lucky that I am able to spend this time every day, because I know a lot of women can’t. So what can they do, if they don’t have an hour a day?
Start small; take ten minutes. On your lunch break instead of catching up on office gossip go for a walk alone, bird watch. Make a promise to yourself that your lunch break will not be a time to run errands. Try to organize your life on your days off so you don’t have to run around during your lunch time.
Learn to say no when people ask you to this party or that gathering. Do your children really have to go to someone’s birthday party every week, do you have to visit your mother every Sunday and so on . . . make your alone time a priority. When your girlfriend phones and begs you to come to her candle party and you’ve already have been to four and have enough candles to start a monastery, say, “no, thanks’. Play isn’t about being sociable and filling your time off with racing from event to event.
Solitude and play are about being good to you. Once you find the alone time and have a routine of journaling, meditating and just relaxing you can move on to other fun things to do alone, like play. Start by making a list of the ten things you liked to do when you were little. I tried that and came up with some cool stuff I had forgotten about; like I loved to play marbles, collect rocks, play with cut outs and run or just go for a walk.
I guess that’s why collecting stones and crystals is one of the things I love now, and cutting out magazine pictures for collage work, or going for a walk. I even run once in awhile when I’m with the grandkids. After you have your list of ten, dig a little deeper. What were your favorite games, books, movies, singer or musical group? Spend an afternoon watching old movies or listening to flashbacks from your teen years, painting your toenails and drinking pop.
Another list you should work on is the things you have not done in your life that you always wanted to do. Do you dream of being a stand-up comic, go sky diving?
It doesn’t mean you have to rush out and jump from an airplane to feel fulfilled but identifying lost dreams will help you focus on where you are going with your life now. Are there art projects you want to do? Writing you’ve dreamed of working on? For some women, home is more of a hobby then a place to live. You recognize that the minute you walk in. They are the ones who have cool framed photographs, they took. They have great wall hangings, they made.
Even if you are not good with your hands you can still have an artsy home that is a reflection of yourself. Display your collections, don’t hide them in boxes. Set your table with interesting, creative items you find at flea markets.
Whatever you discover when you start making your lists, don’t just make the lists, sigh and go back to work. It is never too late to be a kid and to play. If you loved the sand box, turn your coffee table into a Zen Garden-bring in white sand and use little rakes to play in the sand. Buy your favorite fruit and pack a picnic basket of cheese, fruit and sparkling water and head out for an hour’s walk. Leave the supper dishes; get up five minutes early to iron your suit in the morning . . . just go, by yourself to the nearest park.
Don’t wait to get sick to have time-out. That’s a lousy way to spend time alone. When you connect with yourself you won’t feel weepy or react in anger. You will be filled with peace.
At last the truth!
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