My Grandmother’s Drum

by Kim Hayek

The herstory within my grandmother drum is diverse, dangerous and caring. The stories of my Metis grandmothers are unique to me. The herstory of women sharing our ways of being, our ways of caring, our ways of survival are unique. The creation of this drum was a genealogy discovery of my women heritage ways. I always had a short list of names and would say these grandmothers’ names out loud and have the sound roll off my tongue and out into the room. As a young mother I needed to know more about these grandmothers. I wanted to learn my connection to Emilline, Marie Lucille, Rosanna, Magdaline, Kerstina, Elizabeth and Gertrude. After many hours of sharing with my mother, my aunties and one great aunt I was humbled, honored and connected. Stories of teacups being used for trading services for medicines, chickens used for payments for midwifery care, grains and sugars in exchange for 100 pound sack of potatoes-these are basic women’s trading post, trap lines and Wal-Mart’s. By comparison I have a teacup collection from women who have helped changed my life and I am always trading services, items with others (to save money and to recycle). The dangers became real when the prairie winter snowstorm pushed through the slabs of the sod house. This grandmother went into survivor mode and lasted for 2 weeks before a neighboring farmer checked to make sure everybody was alive. She saved 8 children. I too have had a child die.

Women have been in the forefront of communication using many tools and devices. Diaries and family bibles have been used as a record of family births, deaths, recipes and community events for centuries. It is still widely used. Many old bibles that are discovered are donated to local museums, in order to archive the telling of women’s ways. Quilting bee’s, my personal favorite, were a conference to update the surrounding counties, villages and towns. What better way then to chat and learn whose crop failed, who had a baby, gossip about the town drunk and how many cattle made it through the winter! Quilting communication aided in passing on women’s ways to younger generations, getting tips on the best bread recipe and telling a young bride or first time mother of what to expect. Today women communicate with Tupperware, birth classes, Avon and email. I go to most parties I am invited to just to be with women. I listen, I learn, I laugh and feel a little better about myself. Technology has helped women communicate all around the world. It is not face-to-face and, I have experienced, that it is not an ideal way to share deeply. Because communication is only 7% words the facial expressions, hand gestures, voice tone-better known as body language- falls to the waist side. There are the women who share their stories through poetry, paintings and writing a bestseller self-help book. Sixteen years ago I self published my first poetry book. I was pleased with the order that I arranged my poems and ended with three sections. After I picked up the 100 copies, all in plastic and neatly packaged, I placed them on my writing desk. I processed what I had done and panicked. I was willing to share and communicate my feelings, my experiences with strangers! I had not thought of this until that moment. After a deep breathe I compared this panic to how my grandmothers and other women have been in this place and have succeeded. That night I had a book reading and sold fifty books.

Music is a great way to share and communicate. The music, the words, the instruments and the presence of the performer brings the message to the listener in four directions.

Male archaeologists labeled ancient statues of drumming priestesses as ‘women holding cake’. Wrong, these statues were holding drums, frame drums. The spiritual herstory of rhythm and women drumming is ancient. The power of the drum is ancient. My grandmother drum is my communication tool to pass on wisdom and women’s ways to my daughters. Recently I have added more names to the drum, I have 91 grandmothers’ names.

First printed in The Rag

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